I haven’t really written much as of late. Yes, I have put up some posts related to Audiobook news but I don’t really count that as writing. I don’t count that because those posts are easy and don’t require much in the way of creativity. They are based on facts, what is on sale, when is it on sale, how long is it on sale, where is it on sale and so on. I can hammer out posts like those without much effort or enthusiasm. I don’t mean that to sound like I don’t want to write those posts only to say it doesn’t take a lot of motivation to get me to write one of those posts.
The last post I wrote that I put a lot of thought into and revealed something about myself was back on May the third. That’s a far cry from my stated goal from earlier this year to write something on this blog every day.
There is one question I have been asked more often than any other since my dad passed away last week. The phrasing is not always the same but it comes down to this:
How are you holding up?
My answer to that question has been exactly the same every time I have been asked.
I’m hanging in there.
My dad’s obituary is now complete and online as well as his register book. So feel free to check that out.
Well, today is the first day of Spring. This should hopefully result in a change to my mood. I seem to be in better spirits during Spring and Summer months than Winter and Fall. Yes, I’ve shared that information previously but I get new followers every day (not quite true but you get my meaning) and not everyone is going to read all of the archives.
Yesterday, for reasons which I will not disclose, I had a chance to consider this question. If I had to go through the grieving process over Ginny again, is there anything that I would do differently? The mere fact that I asked myself this question is unusual. I tend not to look back on things and consider how I might do them differently. The reason is obvious, I can’t go back even if I would like to, so the best I could do is admit to making a mistake and take note of it for the future.
On the morning of December 28, 2015 my mom came over to my apartment after concluding her night shift at work. This isn’t an altogether unusual occurrance as she does stop by from time to time when she’s done with work. But given that this was a Monday and she still had another job to do that day it was a little bit more unusual than if she’d done so on a Saturday morning.
She came over for a reason. I called her the night before and told her that Ginny needed to go to the vet and that it was more than likely, as in almost a complete lock, that she would be put to sleep. The decision to do it on Monday morning was made by Ginny herself. On Saturday, she stopped eating and did not really even try.
Look at what I found. It is a link to the press release that GDB sent out upon my graduation with Ginny in 2002.
It contains a picture of us when Ginny was young and I was much thinner than I am now. 😦 It also contains some information about guide dogs in general and the training and so on.
The funniest part of this for me is that after they listed where I attended school and what I studied, they decided the next most noteworthy fact was that I like football.
This is the first time in 2016 that I have written more than one entry per day. Even when I posted multiple entries per day last year most often they were book reviews or something that didn’t relate to my own personal life. If you didn’t read my previous entry, I invite you to check that out as well.
I’m going to recommend that you check out her blog No Passing Fancy. I love the way she writes. I told her that I had pretty much pegged her age and I was able to do that in part because of her writing. She writes as someone who has experienced a lot in life which might have made me peg her as being older than she is but there is also still a sparkle of fun and youth that rings out in a number of her posts. She has experienced some difficulties in her life that are touched on in a few posts and still presses on and her love for her two children is quite apparent.
I’m not paying her those compliments because her most recent post is about things she’d like to see in South Dakota. I’m saying them because they are my honest assessments. This helpfully brings me back to the point of my post and the theme of honesty.
As I pointed out in yesterday’s post, it would be a mistake to suggest that the fact I had a good day was the start of a trend. It doesn’t mean it wasn’t the start of one either just that we needed to see what would happen next.
Sunday ended up being a day of problems which then turned uneventful. I had a heck of a time falling asleep last night. I could not get comfortable at all for awhile and that was mostly because my legs itched like crazy. It kept me up way longer than I wanted to be. I also had trouble finding something to fall asleep to and settled on ‘The Simpsons’. If you don’t know, I have trouble with complete silence so usually listen to a book or watch TV as I drift off to sleep. Nothing seemed to work last night even when I could get comfortable. Eventually, the itching stopped and I was able to get comfortable and fall asleep.
The rest of the day I spent reading, exchanging some text message, listening to a podcast and working on a project which I will discuss below the cut.
Before I get into the meat of today’s post, I want to remind you of what I wrote the other day. I want you to remember that post so that if tomorrow’s post has a different tone than today’s you’ll remember why.
Yesterday, I actually had a good day. I had the best day I’ve had since Ginny died late last month. I didn’t feel moody or cranky all day. I even felt sociable for most of the day. I had dinner and watched some wrestling with a friend tonight and I also started a new book that I’m enjoying so far. The only real drag about yesterday was that it was so cold. I’m posting this just after midnight and it is expected that our low temperature over night will be around -22 degrees. It was -9 degrees when I returned from dinner.
I’ve heard a lot recently about how I need a distraction from all of the things I’ve been pondering as of late. I’ve had offers of movies, lunch, other activities and then there’s my usual January trip to spend time with my cousin Shiloh in Sioux Falls.
I understand the thought processes behind all of this. Take your mind off things for awhile and then maybe you’ll feel better.
There is just one problem with that and it is why I am refusing any attempts to distract me.
Several people on Facebook, Twitter and via text took a moment yesterday to wish me a happy birthday. A smaller group even took some money out of their pockets and bought me birthday gifts. I really am glad for all of it. It is because of all of those nice words that yesterday was no worse than all the other bad days I’ve had since Ginny died. I say yesterday even though as I write this there’s a little over 4 hours left in the day but as I’ve explained before, I write these in advance.
One comment stood out above all, however. It was my aunt Inez who wished me a happy birthday and said that today would be good if I wanted it to be. I think maybe she was right and that I did not want it to be good…or I didn’t want it enough.
I have been feeling slightly off the past couple of days. Really, this year has not gotten off to a great start. Nothing particularly bad has happened or anything, I just don’t feel right.
I attribute part of that to the fact that I seem to have caught a cold. I don’t think it is a very serious cold but it is a cold and it is slowing me down.
A more fitting tribute will come later but an hour ago, I took my dog, my sweet Ginny to the vet and had her euthanized.
When you can’t go to sleep because you’re too scared of what your dog will do on your carpet while you are asleep and don’t want to clean it up, you can get a lot of things accomplished.