I know it has been awhile since I have written. I’m not even going to apologize for it because this is my blog and I can write or not write as it suits my desires. I wish that I desired to write more but the fact is that I haven’t really desired to write at all and thus the blog has gone quiet.
As I write this, I am honestly not in the best spirits. As loyal readers of my blog know, April 13 marked the one year anniversary of the passing of my father. The anniversary and time surrounding it has hit me pretty hard and started to hit me in the middle of March. Looking back, I am so thankful that I was able to travel with dad to the last of his chemo therapy appointments in late February/March of 2016. I wouldn’t trade those car rides for anything.
Hello everyone. I’m taking a bracket break to update my blog for the first time in way too long. My reasons for not having written sooner are many but can best be summed up as laziness. At least I’m honest, right?
Let us see if I can’t catch you all up on the “happenings” in my life. This shouldn’t take too long but probably will take longer than it should.
I was offered a job the other day. Before I go into that more I need to explain something. I have generally found that work and the possibility of work aren’t the best things to blog about since employers and potential employers can google your name pretty easily and the things you say on your blog could come back to haunt you. That’s a risk even if you don’t talk about work. Looking at your blog can give them alook into your political and religious beliefs despite the fact that they’re not allowed to ask about those things in an interview. The Internet and social media have changed the game forever in that respect. So there’s always some risk.
But I want some advice and so I have to risk discussing this job opportunity. I will not name the potential employer nor will I discuss the task that I would be hired to do. Not mentioning the specific task presents a difficult situation for me, however. I am not mentioning it so that it doesn’t bias in one way or another the advice that I might receive. I also don’t want to make it seem like I am denigrating anyone who would happen to be doing this for a living. I don’t consider myself to be above the work at all but there are reasons that might make it a bad fit for me because of my own life experiences, misgivings and phobias. However, not identifying the task makes it harder for me to explain the issues that I have with it. So I am actually making it harder for someone to give me advice because I’m keeping some vital information vague. Still, I’m having a hard time with this one and so I have to at least try.
I’ve been thinking a lot about driving lately. I haven’t been thinking about driving myself because I can’t but I have been thinking a bit about what that has meant in my life. There are a couple of reasons I believe driving has been on my mind.
I was inspired by this post from No Passing Fancy to talk about a subject that is actually quite difficult for me. When I told her that her post had inspired me and that I was either going to write about it or do it in a voice post, she insisted that I write. I must be a sucker for a pretty face and a pretty voice or else I’m just really used to taking orders from women because here we are.
That post is all about her desire to follow her dreams. I was at lunch yesterday with a friend and talking about my friend Art Shimko and how one of the things I admire most about Art is his willingness to follow his own dreams. If there is someone I know and they have a dream they’d like to follow I am the most encouraging person in the world. It is too bad that I can’t be an encouragement for myself.
I know that I am currently dealing with a lot of issues, some of which are described here. I’ve written about some, intend to write about others and am keeping some to myself. Yes, dear reader, I actually do hold some things back in these entries. I try to be as open as I can be about my current mood problems, past battles with depression, experiences as a visually impaired individual and my struggle to find love. But that doesn’t mean I share everything. The other day, I pondered what a future employer might think of me if they were to stumble upon this blog and my entries from early 2016. However, I don’t intend to change what I write about because there is a chance that these entries might help someone. Maybe someone will read them and think that they’re not alone and decide to press on and fight their battles. That may be naive or over-inflating the impact that these things might have but it is a chance I’m willing to take.
I had a rather concerning thought on Monday. One of these days I will enter the job market again and there is a chance that a potential employer could google my name, find this blog and in particular these first few entries of 2016. I don’t think these entries make me seem as though I perform well under pressure or that I can handle stressful situations very well.
I can’t worry about that future possibility now however because I need to focus on getting myself back on track.
In Yesterday’s Post I talked about how Ginny was the ultimate distraction and that as a result there were a lot of things that I never really processed while she was alive that are now coming back with a vengeance since she has gone.
She was the ultimate distraction because rather than think about how heart broken I was after ending the most normal relationship I had ever been in, I could just walk over and snuggle with her until the feeling passed.
It then hit me that part of my problem is not being able to determine in which order I should try and deal with these things. They all came at once and so the first logical step by my way of thinking is to sort them all out. I’m not sure I can identify everything but I figure that I can identify the biggest ones and if I can work through those anything else that might creep up will seem minor by comparison.
I’m not necessarily putting these in order but I am going to try and follow a linear timeline to a certain degree.