I will discuss the motivation behind this in a future post but on March 9 I started riding my stationary bike once more. I had fallen out of the habit for longer than I recall and after almost 2 weeks of riding again, I am glad I have gotten back into it.
I started out with one ride per day of about 15 minutes. I didn’t push myself real hard just rode at a steady and comfortable pace. Last Wednesday I added in a second ride each day for another 15 minutes again at a steady pace. My goal is to eventually do an hour a day and push myself harder than I am now. But for right now, what I am really trying to do is build a routine. And so far it is working pretty well. I haven’t missed a day. There were days, especially since I started doing two a day where I was certain that I wasn’t going to ride or might only ride once. And last night, I did only ride once but I rode for the full 30 minutes. I haven’t missed yet, even with sore legs and even when I haven’t felt like doing it, I have still done it.
Riding my bike isn’t the only thing I have made a routine lately. I rededicated myself to prayer back in November and it has been the best decision I have made in a long time. This past week hasn’t been all that enjoyable but I have had far worse weeks in the past. I pray out loud every night and at other times during the day as I feel like it. I pray out loud because it helps me to hear my own thoughts spoken out. I told a friend that I don’t really mince words when I’m praying, I just say whatever I’m thinking as honestly as I can. Why try to hide from God what he already knows I’m thinking anyway?
I am still not ready to discuss my frustration from the past week or so here on my blog though I have touched on it over on my Facebook page in a public post. I was kind of hoping not to have to tackle this subject again for awhile but it seems as though I will be hitting it early on in the days of this new version of my blog. I think the hard thing is that I don’t want to be vague. I have taken the attitude that if I am going to write about something here I shouldn’t hold anything back, I should be as specific as possible thus ensuring that nobody has to read between the lines. I figure if I have to be vague, then it might not be the right time to say anything. But the other factor is that I think between the post on Facebook and the discussions I have had with others concerning the matter, I have topic fatigue. So I want to talk about it, just not right now because I feel like I have said enough at least in terms of quantity of information if not necessarily quality information. And there I go being vague again although not really if you saw my Facebook post from a few days ago.
I hope this week is better than the last. It almost has to be. I think I am finally used to the time change so hopefully that means a more stable sleep schedule. I slept a vast majority of yesterday because quite frankly I needed it. One thing I realized recently is that I need to stop feeling guilty about when and how I sleep. Sometimes if I wake up later in the day I feel guilty because most people in my circle are up and have been for hours and I was asleep. Essentially, I feel guilty for having a sleep disorder that throws off my schedule. And I shouldn’t feel guilty about that, it isn’t as though I chose to get Non24 and I am at least trying to fight it. But I don’t think that I was self-aware enough to know that I had a guilt problem until recently, until I returned to prayer and started to be a lot more aware of numerous things.
I started this post thinking I would just talk about riding my bike for a few minutes and now I have touched on all of these other topics. Writing is another thing I have done lately even though I haven’t always been in the mood to do so. Putting how I am feeling in words means that by necessity I must ask myself “How do you really feel right now?” Something I might not do as often if I am not writing. I hope you all have a good week.