This is sort of a follow-up to my post from the other day.
Yesterday was a good day of getting stuff done and I posted an update on Facebook which you can find here:
This prompted a few people including my aunt Inez to comment and tell me how happy they arf or me and Inez in particular pointed out that this has been a long time in coming.
That’s really what got me thinking because as I wrote the other day, I am happier now than I have been in awhile. I haven’t had any serious bouts of depression since starting the show. Have all my days been good ones? Probably not but everything you do is going to come with some degree of stress, especially if you work on it for as many hours out of a day as I can and do work on the podcast.
One thing I wish was different is that I wish my dad were still alive to share in this with me. I really do think my dad would be so happy to hear about the show and how it is doing and how it is growing, how much I am enjoying doing it and all the opportunities it is bringing me. I actually find myself missing him more now for that reason. Father’s day and the few days surrounding it were quite tough, actually.
The other thing I mentioned the other day is that I still don’t much like being single. This is true, I’ve never liked being single and you can go back through my post archives to find more instances of me talking about that fact.
But here’s the thing. It doesn’t bother me as much right now as it potentially could. The reason for that is simple and it all relates to effort.
Since the end of my last serious relationship a few years ago I have made half-hearted attempts at dating. I have never really went 100% all-in on trying to find Ms. Right. I joined a few dating websites but only on a casual basis and never really put all that I could into the task. So while it is a drag to be single, I know that it is of my own doing for not putting forth serious effort to change that fact.
The question is whether or not I am ready to take a serious run at it. And if I am really ready to put forth a serious effort where do I start? Romance is hard for me on a number of different levels some of which are personality driven (I am very shy at first) and some are issues that come up because of my blindness. Online dating is so hard because it is all centered around photos but I can’t comment on photos because I don’t know what is being shown in said photo. I’m also not the most comfortable person when it comes to having my own picture taken. One of my friends called my Facebook pic a mug shot and that’s not unfair since I feel a great discomfort being photographed…and don’t do selfies.
Another question to consider is whether I’d be willing to long-distance date again. I’ve written about that before as well and the drawbacks to that kind of a relationship. I think I’d be willing to try but that’s easy for me to say right now before all of the stressers of that type of relationship come up.
But it all comes down to effort and whether or not I’m ready to make a serious one. Not making an effort and having nothing happens me that I have that caviot. I can always say that if I really tried maybe things would be different. But what happens if I make that serious effort and nothing changes? Then what do I do? And the fact I’m not sure of the answer to that question just yet makes me think that perhaps I still have a way to go before I’m really ready.
If I’m not ready yet, that’s okay. I’ll just have fun doing my show, being with my friends and enjoying my interests. But I do want to be ready to take a serious run at a relationship at some point despite not even really being sure of what that effort would entail.
That might seem like a bit of a downer but let me assure you that it isn’t. Sure, there is some uncertainty there but compared to my usual state of being this is an improvement. Other than romance, I feel like my life has a direction for the first time in way too long and even better it is a direction I am enthusiastic about.
This podcast has already been a success in one sense. Even if the show ended tomorrow, I have tape of myself doing this kind of work. That’s something I never had before. In the past all I had is people telling me I should be in radio. So if nothing else happens, and I think plenty more will happen but if nothing else does, it will have been worth it.
Audible is having a members only sale through 11:59 PM PT on July 15. In the past, I have written about these sales on the blog. I have talked about what is in the sale, books I am interested in, ones I already own and ones I really recommend. Well, I didn’t do it for the blog because I did it as a podcast episode instead. This is just over 18 minutes but that includes an audio excerpt. I know I say this a lot but I like how this one turned out. It is pretty much how I imagined I’d do an episode talking about a sale.
But as much as I like how that one turned out it doesn’t compare to how I feel about the other one I recorded yesterday. It is a look at the audiobooks written by sportswriter Frank Deford who passed away earlier this year. After my interview with The Audiobook Worm this is my favorite thing I have recorded. This is an evergreen show in that it will go up whenever Ken decides it can go up but when it does I will be very eager to know how people like it.
That will do it for now. I am actually going to go to bed because for now at least my sleep schedule is pretty normal. I’m going to do what I can to make sure it stays that way for as long as I can. Though I know it is going to get screwed up again at some point because that’s just how it works for me. Talk soon, everyone.