On Sunday, I put up a post giving you the chance to ask me questions which I would answer in a future post. The response has been underwhelming. I put that same thing on Facebook and was asked a few questions and have done my best to answer them all.
My friend Amanda (check out her blog) asked me a few questions. They were mostly general information questions because she and I don’t know each other all that well in some ways.
The first question was about the music I liked to listen to and the second was about my favorite food. This led to us discussing cooking and how we both enjoy it but it isn’t so fun to cook for one all the time. I mentioned in the middle of that conversation that I think cooking a meal together is a good activity to do on a date. As I was getting ready for bed I decided that talking about this would make for a good post and decided that I wouldn’t wait until the morning to write it.
I am positive that I mentioned enjoying cooking as a date night activity in previous posts. However, I am less confident that I went into any kind of detail on why that activity and others like it holds such appeal for me. So consider this the post where I give my theories on relationships. And as someone who has been single for a majority of my life and had no relationships that have lasted more than a couple of years, clearly I am an expert.
Every once in awhile I get asked about what I think makes a good first date or what activities I would do on a date. Cooking is always one of the first things that I mention. Although, working in the kitchen was something I only did with one of my former girlfriends. But I think it makes an ideal date activity for a couple of reasons.
The first is that you are working together. Relationships are about compromise, cooperation and working together. You both have to work at a relationship for it to work. If one person is working harder than the other than it will eventually show and if not fixed it is probably going to doom the relationship in either the short or long term.
Working in the kitchen to prepare a meal is going to tell you a lot about the other person and will tell them a lot about you. How well do they respond when asked to do something such as get the milk out of the refrigerator. Are they going to get the milk or are they going to ask why you don’t get it yourself? Will they get the sugar even if they’re trying to do three other things or will they ask you to do it? You learn about the delegation of tasks, can they ask for help if they need it and how do they respond when you ask for help? Those are the types of things you can learn best through observation.
The second reason cooking is a good date activity in my opinion is that it is one you can do while talking. I don’t really like to go to the movies on a first date or to any other activity that might restrict conversation. Movies and plays and concerts are all activities I have enjoyed while on a date but I’ve never taken a first date to any of those things, save that for once you know them a bit better. In a healthy relationship, the thing you will do the most often with your partner regardless of how many common interests you may share is converse. Conversing is how you’re going to communicate the most important things about yourself and how you’re going to learn the most important things about them. So for me, the quickest way to see if a relationship has potential is to talk and that is not easily done in the theater or at a concert. It is very easy to do in the kitchen, however.
I have a history of long distance relationships. I find them to have their good points and their bad points. One of the better points, at least for me, is that if you’re not in the same room with someone it limits the things you can do together. So if you want to make it work you’re going to talk a lot. I dated a girl for several months before our first in person date. By the time we had that first date we knew each other so well from hours upon hours of conversation that it was like we’d known each other forever. That might have been our first in person date but if you think about it we had several other dates that were centered around the phone or even…instant messenger. That doesn’t mean it was the perfect way to do things or that our relationship was free of issues (it wasn’t) but we knew each other very well before we ever had a kiss. In that instance, I could have gotten away with the first actual in person date being a movie but that’s still not what happened.
Cooking isn’t the only activity that could produce the results I mention above. In general, any activity that requires you both to work together to complete a task will accomplish the same thing. You’re probably not going to find out how controlling someone is by taking them to the movies (unless there’s an argument over what film to see) but that is more likely to manifest itself in a cooperative task.
Now you have some insight on how I look at relationships and what for me are the things that make for ideal dating activities. All because I was asked about my favorite food on Facebook.