I had a rather concerning thought on Monday. One of these days I will enter the job market again and there is a chance that a potential employer could google my name, find this blog and in particular these first few entries of 2016. I don’t think these entries make me seem as though I perform well under pressure or that I can handle stressful situations very well.
I can’t worry about that future possibility now however because I need to focus on getting myself back on track.
I think it has been helpful that I have kept away from people the past few days. I still can’t say I’ve had a good day since Ginny died but the last two days have not really been terrible.
But being away from people has given me fewer things to have to worry about. I don’t have to keep company entertained or engaged. I don’t have to worry that I’ve been too sarcastic with one of my friends who was only trying to help. For the most part people have been understanding and have given me my space. I haven’t run the risk of treating someone poorly and that has lifted a weight off of my shoulders.
As a result, I’ve started to join the ranks of the living once more. I went to the store on Monday with a friend and that was after I met with my voc rehab counsellor. I even logged back into Skype to talk to a friend. I’ve not opened my Facebook page back up and may not for awhile yet. I don’t think people realize just how negative a place Facebook actually is most of the time. I read my news feed and often get upset at a lot of what I see that people have posted and that’s before we get into political nonsense.
My entry from yesterday which I wrote on Saturday has also been helpful. Writing down some of the issues that I have had and sharing them with an audience has helped me out. I can’t exactly explain why just yet but I think trying to sort them out instead of thinking of them as a giant blob of problems has been for the best. I have more of those posts to write but as I’m feeling a little bit more upbeat today I wanted to just share that with you all now.
It might not last. It could vanish tomorrow. There’s always a chance I’ll get more bad news. So I want to let it stand now that for at least a time on January 11 I was in a more positive frame of mind.
I’ve got to start somewhere, right? Also, I did something Monday I’ve never done before. I bought some powerball tickets. I think I can find one or two things to do with a billion dollars. Even if taxes ensure it is only a few hundred million dollars, I’d love to find out once and for all if I could manage with that amount of money.