Welcome to WCW Nitrocap #3. Last week, Hulk Hogan defended the world title against Lex Luger and the main event for Fall Brawl was finalized. Also, a bunch of wrestler’s made their WCW debuts and got beat. Oh, and Eric Bischoff gave away the result of a match on Raw for the first time. What will happen this week? Read the Nitrocap to find out!
If you’re new to the Nitrocap, it is not play-by-play. It is basically a chance for me to mock the announcers tell some stories and share youtube videos.
Your hosts are Eric Bischoff, Bobby Heenan and Butt-head. Mongo has his dog Pepe with him by popular demand. Yeah, right.
Sirens are going off and Mean Gene is with Kevin Sullivan and Giant. First Giant promo. All in all not bad for the guy’s first time.
Gene suggests that Giant’s father would not approve of the company he keeps. Remember kids, Giant is Andre the Giant’s son. See you can tell because their last name, Giant, is the same.
Heenan calls Mongo’s dog the Macho Mut.
Here for your listening displeasure is a high quality version of the American Males theme. I hope you can memorize all the words, they are quite difficult.
Mongo tells everyone to get their Grandmother out of the bathroom, she’s got some cute guys to look at. He told us last week to get our Grandmother out of the bathroom for something and this is becoming a very uncomfortable obsession. I can’t even imagine how my Grandmother would have reacted if I pulled her out of the bathroom to watch Nitro, especially these clowns.
This was supposed to be a match against the Blue Bloods but Harlem Heat decides that they’d much rather beat up the Blue Bloods and tag their spot.
Booker T gets on the house mic and says a bunch of words that are hard to hear because WCW. Harlem Heat agree to put the belts on the line and because they’re not the WWE tag titles in 2015, The American Males are agreeable to the free title shot.
Mongo just spewed forth sports cliches like a fountain. Something about championship teams getting cocky and then getting beat. I listen to Mongo so you don’t have to.
Eric thanks fans for watching Fall Brawl and for Nitro’s ratings. Eric compares Booker’s Axe Kick to K-1…okay.
Actual quote from Eric Bischoff, who you’ll recall is the play-by-play man. “What is going on inside the ring?”
Some stuff with Col. Rob Parker and Sister Sherri provides for the distraction and the American Males win the belts.
Winners: American Males
First recorded title change in the history of Nitro. This was back before titles changed hands every five minutes to pop a rating.
Commercial break but not for those of us watching on the WWE Network. I wonder what Eric Bischoff would have thought if in 1995 you told him that in 20 years we’d be watching Nitro on something called the WWE Network? He’d probably ask what the hell is a WWE? We do get a classic Macho Man commercial for SlimJim.
Mean “by god” Gene is out to interview some fellow named Ric Flair. Flair says that Arn broke the code by bringing Pillman into the mix. Flair must have forgotten all of his feuds in which it was 4 Horsemen against one Dusty Rhodes. Flair promises to chop the hell out of Pillman tonight. I’m all for this.
Eric back to plug WCW Saturday Night. Wow, WCW had a secondary show that mattered. So such a thing is possible. Someone tell Vince, he won’t listen but tell him anyway.
Oh yes yes yes! We get the best wrestling theme ever: “they call him Mr. Wonderful.”
Here are the words:
They call him Mr. Wonderful.
You know he is so wonderful.
And he knows it too.
If I ever get married I’m walking down the isle to this song. If I had a Mr. Wonderful action figure back in the day and could play this song when he came to the ring, the man would never lose just so I could hear this song twice. He’d have been the world champion forever. I’ve played the video three times now, it is going to take me forever to get through this episode. Bobby Heenan whistling along to it makes it even better.
Proof that this is the best song ever is the fact that Mongo hates it. I have the album, WCW ‘Slam Jam’ which contains Johnny B. Badd’s music and the whole thing is not good. Bobby wants to know who hired Mongo and Eric without directly saying so takes the credit or blame…fine, blame.
The crowd starts in with the chant of “Paula” “Paula” “Paula”. How dare they suggest that the man with the best theme music ever is a woman.
Johnny B. Badd wrestled Brian Pillman the night before and it went nearly a half an hour. I know because when my friend Wade and I watched the match on tape some time later, we were holding free weights above our head the whole match. Even light weights can get heavy after 30 minutes.
The announcers accuse Orndorff of cheating to get the win but I personally think Johnny B. Badd gave up so he could here this again.
Winner: Paul Orndorff
And us, the listening viewer.
So now they show a video from the Baywatch set as Macho Man is lifting weights on the beach. This is not the ideal place to be lifting weights. Kevin Sullivan interrupts and attacks Savage and Ric Flair makes the save. Yes, all of this happened.
Mean Gene is out to interview Savage. I love Macho, one of my favorite wrestlers to impersonate. It seems like every wrestling fan I know has a Savage and Dusty Rhodes impression.
Savage tells Ric Flair thanks but no thanks for the help. This proves that Macho Man Randy Savage is much smarter than Sting but we’re getting ahead of ourselves a bit. Macho says Hogan is watching Nitro live on his “videoscope”. He also calls Hogan a poor judge of character. Savage is smart. He’s also Space Ghost’s grandfather. He also predicts that Sting, Luger and Jimmy Hart are going to join the Dungeon of Doom. That would be a step down for all of them.
Luger comes out and they start with the namecalling. All of the talkie-talk results in them agreeing to have a match. They accomplished all of this in less than 20 minutes. I know, hard to believe, right?
After the commercial break we get scenes from the previous night. The Giant comes out and runs over Hulk Hogan’s motorcycle with a monster truck. Hulk sad. Good thing that Giant knew Hogan would have that bike with him and planned in advance to bring his monster truck.
Giant cackling is fantastic, however.
Pillman still has his stupid music. That has to go. He should talk to Orndorff.
Flair and Pillman waste no time getting to the chops. I approve of this so much. These two had many a battle in my action figure federation. I was such a Pillman mark as a kid.
Pillman is cheating to win, I can think of one man who would approve…Ric Flair!
I called the WCW Hotline once. My dad was so pissed and had no problem bringing the subject up whenever there was a plug for the hotline on a wrestling show.
Mongo thinks Kevin Sullivan needs to be bug sprayed to get rid of him. Then he calls him a cancer. So according to Mongo, you can cure cancer by using bug spray.
Ric Flair slaps Pillman in the Figure 4 and then something weird happens. Pillman gives up and Flair wins. Yes, Ric Flair won an actual wrestling match with the Figure 4. Stop the presses!
Winner: Ric Flair
Flair calls out Arn Anderson after the match. He challenges Arn to a match for next week’s Nitro.
Commercial break. Eric back to close the show by plugging Saturday Night and recapping tonight’s action. Why it is almost like what happened tonight is important and they want to draw attention to it. I’m starting to sound crazy.
I hope you’ve enjoyed this week’s Nitrocap. Take us out, Mr. Wonderful!
Holy crap, not only do they recap tonight’s matches and plug Saturday’s show, they announce matches for next week. What kind of crazy ass show is this? Disco Inferno Vs. Alex Wright, Kurasawa in action, Randy Savage Vs. Kevin Sullivan.