I have never enjoyed being single. I have always felt like I was destined to be in a couple. So it is more than a little bit ironic that I have spent most of my life being the very thing I do not feel I was designed to be.
I have had relatively little dating experience for someone of my age. Still, I have had some relationships that were decent, some that were good and some that hit the whole range from difficult to wonderful. I’ve walked away from one or two wondering if I ever had the strength to date again but have found that after things settled down a bit that I was looking at the more negative aspects of those relationships and dismissing the positive.
Most of my relationships have involved some degree of distance. I’m not going to sit here and tell you that I would never do another long distance relationship again because that wouldn’t be true. It would be accurate to say that I would like to avoid one if at all possible. They just put too much of a strain on me and I already don’t handle stress very well and if I’m having trouble, so is she.
Unfortunately for me, it seems as though I am prone to developing feelings for women who are separated from me by some distance. I fear that I am prone to this because the distance allows me to be a little more selfish than I could get away with if I had a girlfriend across town. If we’re not in the same place, I don’t have to share my hobbies and I can still do things without her and not feel guilty about it.
If she’s not near by she doesn’t have to see me at my worst. When we’re together I can put on the brave face and the positive attitude. None of these things are viable in a long-term committed relationship or marriage but are easy to get away with when there are hundreds or thousands of miles between you.
This is why I would have some trouble embarking on another long-distance relationship. That type of relationship isn’t likely to help me break free of the worst of my habits.
Honestly though, my bad habits not withstanding I am better off when I am close to the person I am dating. I like to do things that don’t work as well in long-distance relationships. I like to prepare meals for them, I like to go to movies or plays, even to a ball game. I like to sit and talk until all hours of the morning and when I am having a particularly bad day or whatever I like to be held.
So to make a rather long story short, a relationship with distance brings out my worst habits and one with little distance brings forward my best qualities. One of these days I will get the hang of brevity.
The point that I was trying to make last week before we discussed photographs is that as much as I feel like I am destined to be in a couple, the last few months it was not a high priority for me. I was too busy thinking of other things to spend too much time worrying about dating and the absense of affection in my life.
I would say that from March until recently I didn’t really think about it all that much. In fact, I actually told someone that it was probably a good thing I wasn’t in a relationship these last few months. As I wrote earlier this month I have real issues communicating my feelings under the best of circumstances. These past few months have not featured the best of circumstances and I have internalized a lot which has not always made me the most pleasant person to be around.
It would not have been easy for someone to be my wife or girlfriend these past few months. Honestly, I think the reason I didn’t obsess about it during that time period is because I have enough compassion to not want to have put anyone through that sort of thing. Even if they had volunteered to go through such a thing with me I still don’t think it would have been fair to make them. What the last few months have shown me is that I still have some maturing to do.
However, as things are settling down now I do start to desire female companionship again. When I say female companionship I mean a romantic partnership. I don’t think I am wired for hook-ups and even if I were it is irrelevant because for that to work there has to be opportunity. I would be lying if I said I didn’t have urges beause of course I do but for as great as they might be I always have bigger priorities.
I think I have difficulty with romance for a lot of the same reasons I have difficulty making friends. For one thing, I don’t know where single women in Huron go to meet single guys. For another thing, I would be incredibly shy if I did go to those places and the biggest thing is that because I have so little experience with women I still feel a little awkward around them.
Here is my theory on men and women. I do hope you are taking notes because it is a good one.
My theory is that men on the whole know next to nothing about women. I also believe that men on the whole will admit to knowing next to nothing about women.
I also believe that women know a little bit about men. But, I also believe that women tend to drastically over value the knowledge that they have when it comes to men. This is why women get upset when their guy doesn’t act the way they expect that they will based on what they know.
So men know almost nothing and don’t really try to learn more than that. Women know a little but place a higher level of importance on what they do know and you throw them together and it makes building relationships difficult.
Yes, I know those are generalizations and that some men do make an effort to understand women and that some women understand that what they know about men doesn’t mean they know everything but like I said as a guide I think I’ve figured it out for the most part.
But that’s it, I don’t really know much of anything else about relationships and making them work. If I did I probably wouldn’t be 34 and single with no idea how I am to meet women.
I have tried online dating but that is not particularly easy for someone who can’t see. For one thing, it brings up the whole issue of distance once more. Long distance relationships are difficult, they can work but it takes the right people in the right situation to pull it off.
Also, as I discussed in my photographs post so much of online dating is centered around pics. Pics are designed to get attention and they are a great way to help break the ice with someone. Photographs offer a lot in terms of clues about a person’s attitude, likes, priorities and personality…and most everyone likes to be complimented on their looks. I can’t comment on a girl’s hairstyle because even if I try a stock comment, it does not feel genuine.
Right now, I also don’t think I have the right mindset for dating. I just don’t see myself as being that great of a catch for a number of reasons that I’ve mentioned specifically or implied in this post. I don’t have a lot of money, my future is not exactly settled and I need some more emotional maturity. Yet, when things are going alright for me and I have a good handle on my emotions, my desire to try and make a relationship work is very strong. I do consider myself to be a nice guy and that’s what most girls say they want but I generally don’t think that is true. I don’t entirely believe that girls are attracted to bad men but the ones who seem to end up with a string of bad men find themselves in that spot because what they really want is an interesting guy and unfortunately they deem the guys with the most risky character traits to be the most interesting. Stability isn’t always that exciting and even if it isn’t quite at the level I would like it to be my life definitely is stable.
If you read all of this, I would sure love to know why. So leave a comment or contact me through whatever means you wish to tell me what motivated you to read all of this.